Sunday, August 26, 2018

"Who I Am"





When I was in High School, all the kids at my church took this early morning seminary class. When I say early, what I mean is, wake up at 5am everyday for 4 years straight, early. Every year we would study a different book of scripture from the standard works. And, each day we would read a different chapter from the book we were studying that year. I remember most vividly the year that I studied The Old Testament. 

Not only did we study the scriptures but twice a year, once in October and once in April, we would play a game. Jeopardy. This game of Jeopardy was based around an event that only took place twice a year in our church. We call it General Conference. The prophet of our church, and other leaders meet in Salt Lake City, Utah and give talks to members of the church and they are broadcast all around the world. Our task, as seminary students that year, was to watch the broadcast and come to class the next Monday prepared to play Jeopardy. I took the task of coming prepared as more of a challenge.

That next Monday class, all of the students are sitting, waiting for the teacher to start class, just casually discussing the amount of notes they took. “Oh I took 2 pages.” “Well, I have 3.” Meanwhile, I just sit by and hold my tongue. Not because I was embarrassed that I had taken 18 pages of notes, but because I didn’t want them to be embarrassed that they had so few. I have to force myself to hold back an evil cackle over the fact that I was pretty much guaranteed a win. The glory of winning and the grand prize, of a king size candy bar of the winners choice, was mine!

So, the teacher starts the class, we say a prayer and I prepare to win the game. But before I can transform into complete game mode, my worst nightmare happens, she gives us partners. Not only do I know not one person in this class due to the fact that my family has moved every summer for the past four years, but I do not want a partner to drag me down. I don’t know this boy, Spencer, that I have been randomly assigned to compete with, what if he only paid attention well enough to get the one page of notes that sits in front of him. The buzz that I felt leading up to the class is gone, replaced with a feeling of defeat even though the game hasn’t even started.

Once everyone is matched with a partner, we begin. My teacher, with her good heart, tried to create a game that would enable all of her students to have an equal chance to answer the questions and to win the game. Her plan did not count on my overkill of note taking and unforgiving spirit. Spencer and I easily slip into the lead, giving no chance to the other groups to even come close to our score.

Spencer and I, as it turns out, are in the same frame of mind. We become, what could only be described as, the perfect partnership. The answers I can’t quite remember are on the tip of his tongue, and the answers he can’t recall are found in my lengthy notes. With our spirits high and the other team’s spirits low, everything was just as it should be.

The game burns on. The other teams by some miracle have almost completely caught up to our score. But, I’m not scared, Spencer’s not scared, we know we will win. We kick into overdrive and push on. Doing whatever it takes to get the prize.

We fight against unfair pointage. Partial answers don’t get full points, not when I’m playing. We fight against favoritism. The teacher’s son gets no special treatment, not in this game. We fight against cheating. Using phones is cheating, in all circumstances. But, most importantly we fight against hectoring. Spencer and I earned our top spot, without a doubt, no matter what the enemies say.

As it nears the end of our 50 minute class we move onto the final round. My breath is short, my hands numb, my heart pounding. We are so close, this is it, the end.

For the last question, the one to set us over the top, we are given a whiteboard and a marker. Before she reveals the final question she sets a timer. We will have 2 minutes to discuss an answer with our partner and write it on our board before the time runs out. Our teacher is confident that no one will know the answer. She has found a question so obscure she is sure that even the top team will be unable to guess correctly.

The question appears on the board. “How many temples have been announced and built by the church?” Groans come from all over the room. It is evident that no one is sure of an answer. Spencer and I look at eachother with wide eyes. I scramble through my notes while he racks his brain. The time is ticking away. 2 minutes, 1 minute and 30 seconds, 45 seconds. Still no answer. Not a clue. By now the other teams have written down their best guess and called it a day. I can’t do that, not when we are so close to winning. 20 seconds, 15 seconds. Spencer says “Just guess Becca.” So, I do. I write 172, my best guess.

The correct answer flashes on the screen. 172. I feel like screaming. Spencer and I jump up, high five and do a victory dance. There is no greater feeling in the world. Our hard work paying off, our friendship growing, and our hearts soaring. Now I have the glory, and tomorrow I will have the candy bar.

White Room Writing

For a long time I have felt like posting some of my recent writings on here but I was afraid of people copying them or something but I worked really hard on some of these and would love for people to read them.

So, I go into the study room on my floor in West Hall. The room is empty, as usual. I spend almost every morning in here. The only chairs not stacked on the table are the 4 that I tried out, like Goldilocks, until I found the perfect spot in the room. The one with the perfect view of the window. Today I sit somewhere else though. Today I focus on the room.

My ideal creative space is a large, empty, closed off room with a clean floor. No people. No windows. Just space and mirrors. As a dancer I need the space, I don’t want to feel suffocated, I always want to feel like I could move and choreograph on the spot. I also hate to have people watch me create. I feel too much pressure and I don’t like to feel like I am doing something wrong. I love to have people watch my finished product because I love to perform, but for me the creative process must stay private.

I feel peace in this room. It’s quiet, empty and, without the large conference table, it is perfect for dancing. My only instinct in an empty space is to move, and if it’s big enough, to dance. It’s hard for me to sit still, so I don’t. I get up and sit on the floor and stretch my legs, which are sore from the first week of classes. The room is almost 100% silent, save for the sound of passersby and my thoughts. The quiet and the stretching combined have me so relaxed I feel that if I were to lay down, I would fall asleep in minutes.

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Stress

"Live beyond "what if." Find joy in "what is."
Cambryn Taylor

Oh boy am I stressed. 

This week was my first week of college! I am super excited to be in college and  I am absolutely loving it so far, homework and all. However, college comes with both the awesome totally fun things and the stressful, depressing, not so fun things. From pretty much the first day of school I have been so worried and stressed, mainly regarding my financial situation. It is a big deal to be living on my own, to be almost completely independent from my family. Although at some times it is very liberating, at my most stressed moments, I feel worse. 

Saturday, August 18, 2018

Priorities

"It is up to us to set the priorities and to do the things that make our soil 
good and our harvest plentiful."
Dallin H. Oaks

So, it is official, I am a college student. Classes have not started yet but I am all moved in and I feel very adult. I decided, just this morning, before I do start my classes this week, I want to get my priorities straight. That way, when push comes to shove, I know what is important to me and what I can do without. To set my priorities in stone, I am going to post them here.

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Routine

"We get credit for trying even if we don't always succeed."
Jeffery R Holland

Before I begin this post I suppose I should hold true to my word and share an update on my August goals. I truly believe with the stress of moving out in less than 2 days (as of this posting date) that I genuinely forgot I even had goals for this month. I guess maybe in the back of my mind they were still there, but it is safe to say that I have made minimal progress towards my goals. Good news is the month is only 1/2 over and I think that when I get all moved into my dorm it will be easier to stick to my guns.... I mean goals.


Now, I wanted to talk about something that I love so much. Routine. I am always, always, trying to create routines for myself; workout routines, stretching routines, night routines, and so on. As much as I love to create routines, I am terrible at following them. I supposed it is quite obvious that sticking to plans that I make is one of my many, many, weaknesses. 

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Anxieties

"All men have their fears but those who face their fears with faith have courage as well"
President Monson

So this past week I kind of finished up my dorm shopping, save for a few things I need to buy. The night that I had all of the stuff I had just bought in my room I had an incredibly hard time falling asleep, despite being very tired. It felt like I just couldn't be asleep and move on to the next day. I think being able to see all the stuff going in my dorm was actually giving me anxiety. You would think that being done dorm shopping would ease my stress, unfortunately, it made college, and moving out a reality for me. I am very afraid to move out to college. It is a big change. Even if I am only living 30 minutes away, I am pretty much on my own now and that is a terrifying thought. I know that the Lord is always watching out for me, he has proven this over and over again in my life, I just pray that I will be ale to, once school starts, make an adjustment and not be afraid to be an adult. 

Thursday, August 2, 2018

August!!

"It's in the doing, not in the thinking, that we accomplish our goals"
Thomas S. Monson

So it is August! A new month means new goals for me!

Today is actually August 2nd. So far, I am not doing to terrible with my goals. I made my new goals this past Sunday and then I guess the week just went by so fast that I didn't even realized that yesterday was August........

I am actually super excited for my goals this month, even more than last month, if that is possible. I tried to create a goal plan that I could follow when I move out and go to college! I am super excited to move on with the next chapter of my life but I am also super nervous because I am not sure how everything is going to work out but I know it is going to be amaaazing!

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Break

"If today you are a little better than you were yesterday, then that is enough."
David A. Bednar

So..... obviously I haven't posted in a while... almost 2 weeks. 2 Weeks ago when I started house sitting for my boss, I just didn't have time to work on any of the goals that I had. I was barely spending more that 10 minutes at home and so I felt it justified that I took a break from making progress to focus on doing a good job house/ pet sitting.

Then, when my boss got back after a week.... I had not been working on my goals for so long that I just fell out of habit of doing them. Now the month of doing my goals is almost up and I have done completely and utterly terrible. So, with the new month approaching, I am going to do better. I am sure of it. I will be starting college this month and with a more set routine of my class and work schedule I am confident that I will be able to accomplish all of my 5 goals everyday for the month of August. My new college laptop arrived today and I am more motivated than ever to stay on track!


Sunday, July 15, 2018

Choices

         "Decide to do something today that will have eternal consequences." 
                    Elder Richard G Scott


I wanted to post about choices because I had to make one today. So this weekend I have been incredibly busy. I was working late Friday and I am house sitting this all next week so I just did not have time to work out on Friday or Saturday. I really want to be working out. Like a lot. So last night I reasoned with myself, since I was too busy the last 2 days, and I am never too busy on Sundays, I decided that I would work out on Sunday afternoon. I was still fine with that decision when I woke up this morning. However, the time came for me to get out of my church clothes and put on work out gear and I just couldn't do it. The Sabbath for me is a day that needs to remain holy. I know for other people, even those of my shared religion, working out on a Sunday isn't a problem but, every person is different and we all get to decide what we can and cannot do on a Sunday. For me, working out just takes away the spirit of the Sabbath. Even if it means I have to have 3 rest days in a row, I cannot workout today.

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Motivation

"Work will work while wishy washy wishing won't"
President Monson

 Something major just happened. I got off my bed. I put on some leggings. Then suddenly, I felt the incredible urge, motivation if you will, to do everything. To work out, stretch, vacuum, do the dishes and so on. I was just so amazed how this one simple action, probably brought about by my desire to not wear real pants gave me the motivation to do all the things I had the desire to do but not.... the..... desire....... to do. From my experience to day I have set a goal for myself for tomorrow. Tomorrow morning I am going to wake up early. I am going to workout before work. I am confident that starting early on my day will give me the motivation for the rest of the day to accomplish all of my goals!